TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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