The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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