She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
