gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
