Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
