He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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