i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
