my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
