I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
