Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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