Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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