Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
