i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
