That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
