Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
