Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
