everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
