he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
