My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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