that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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