the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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