I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
