I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
