Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
