I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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