I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
