You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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