I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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