Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
