Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
