She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
