I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
