rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
