that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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