i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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