There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
