Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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