Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
