So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
