please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
