No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
