Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
