Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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