dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
