My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
