i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
