She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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