If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
