how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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