You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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