When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
