I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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