I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
