So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
